Not All Heroes Wear Capes

“Men – especially fathers - are in desperate need of rebranding.” – Hero

As we near another special day of celebration for fathers, there is growing evidence that the dad gap is often the difference between success and failure in their children's lives.  In fact, if you have or had a father in the home while growing up, that privilege is quickly becoming the minority.  By 2021, a US Census Bureau Report revealed that over 18 million children were being raised without the presence of a father.  These figures reflect a doubling of children over the past 50 years living with a single mother as their sole provider.  Whether through a divorce or single parenthood, homes without married parents are now a leading predictor of future poverty.   But broken families used to be the exception, rather than the rule. 

In the 1950s, TV shows like “Father Knows Best” and “Leave It to Beaver”, echoed most children’s experiences.  Raised by both parents in a family unit, strong marriages taught sons and daughters what they should expect from their own future relationships.  Children were given chores, taught manners, and expected to attend family meals.  Their lives were structured with rules and expectations, and when necessary, disciplined for bad behavior.  There was a clear delineation between the roles of the father and mother, with fathers seen as the authority figures, providing economic security and stability to the family.  Parents, like Ward and June Cleaver, weathered many storms but stayed together for the benefit of the family.  But these sacrifices wouldn’t last for long. 

In 1969, Governor Ronald Reagan of California signed the first no-fault divorce legislation essentially removing due process from the dissolution of marriage.  As a result, only one-half of the union could end a marriage with no questions asked.  Initially hailed as a benefit to couples since no blame had to be assigned, the disastrous outcome was to make divorce more common.  And with it, all the securities of marriage, from childrearing to healthcare, to tax benefits were stripped away without debate.  Now, every year, more than one million children under the age of 18 are affected by divorce. 

Then came the 1970s, with an intentional shift away from the patriarchy, as Helen Reddy sang, “I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar”.  Society began to demonize men, as the battle of the sexes drove a wedge between not only men and women but moms and dads, as new cultural standards claimed there could only be winners and losers.  The two-parent household was deemed a relic of an oppressive patriarchal past, with children its primary casualty.     

A culture that teaches that fathers are unnecessary only opens children up to the worst parent of all, the government.  The War on Poverty began the slippery slope of absentee fathers when women were given increased benefits if the dad was not living in the home.  It began with the black family but has increasingly affected all racial groups.  While 70 percent of black children are now born outside of marriage, nearly half of white and Latino children are now sharing the same adverse experience.  Being a father is more than DNA, and a paycheck.  And unlike a dad, the government has never thrown a ball to a son or daughter. 

But the devolution of the two-parent home wasn’t just through attrition.  The advent of Black Lives Matter, born of police interactions with mostly young black men, began calling for the disruption of the nuclear family, recognizing the inequality that fatherless homes have brought to the black family.  Founded by self-described trained Marxists, Marxism also called for the abolition of the family, believing it was built on capital and private gain.  Instead, they believed, children should be raised by a collective, the proverbial and nonexistent, “village”. 

To make matters worse, the devaluing of dads now begins at conception.  “My body, my right” removes the father from decisions about their own children, by claiming the mother has sole discretion over whether the child lives or dies.  Making men even more unnecessary in their children’s lives. 

Political scientists and philosophers, Warren Farrell and John Gray, in their book, “The Boy Crisis”, attempt to explain why boys are struggling.  Invariably, they looked at the father's role and compiled a list of benefits resulting from a home with a fully involved dad.   These advantages include longer life, higher academic performance, higher levels of employment, and better behavioral and social skills.  Children with a present dad have lower rates of suicide, drug use, depression, poverty, ADHD, homelessness, obesity, and incarceration, and are less likely to succumb to child predators.

In Meg Meeker’s 2017 book, “Hero”, Dr. Meeker shares her thoughts on fathers, following her 30-year career as a pediatrician.  Believing that fathers are more important to a child’s development and well-being than even their mothers, Meeker reveals how any dad can be a hero to their children.  Through vignettes from her medical practice, Meeker provides common-sense solutions to a series of dad scenarios.  Told from a traditional value, Judeo-Christian perspective, Meeker lays out a framework from which any man in any situation can be the best father possible. 

There is little doubt that a reset is needed to return fathers to their significant role as unsung heroes in their children’s development.  Men are hardwired to withstand pressures using rationality and composure, a critical factor in the sound development of their children’s lives.  The celebration of dads should be more than a single day of ties and socks.  A dad’s presence may literally be the difference between success and failure.