“When your brain works right, you work right. But when your brain is troubled, you are much more likely to have trouble in your life.” – Raising Mentally Strong Kids
In the story of the three little pigs, the mother sow sends her three offspring out to fend for themselves. Unprepared, the first builds its house of straw, and the second of sticks. Only the third was equipped to erect his structure on a firm foundation of bricks. As we all know, the wolf blew down the first two but was unable to shake the footings of the third. Unlike the sow, the goal of parents is to produce children that are prepared for the demands of adulthood.
In Daniel G. Amen and Charles Fay’s book, “Raising Mentally Strong Kids”, authors Amen and Fay merge the practice of brain health with psychological strategies for raising good children. Since the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s central control doesn’t develop until the mid-20s, it is the parent’s job to act as its substitute when necessary.
To the doctors, good parenting includes not only involvement in a child’s life through active parental supervision but also serving as virtuous role models to their apprentice children. Through the imposition of rules and limits, as well as consequences for their disregard, parents provide the necessary structure for children to develop self-discipline to resist temptation and learn the importance of delayed gratification. Children further develop a sense of belonging through the imposition of chores and responsibilities. Then by allowing them to make small mistakes, children learn to overcome adversity and prepare themselves for adult hardships.
Out is the therapeutic parenting of over-nurturing and micromanaging that can be the result of good intentions, but poor execution. Being overly permissive and failing to punish can stunt the development of self-restraint while being overly protective robs children of the development of their autonomy. Worse, too much intervention, including experts and therapists, can cause children to believe that they will be rescued from all their problems. Being overbearing, inflexible, and even hostile, will only incite fear and intimidation leading to anxiety and underperformance. If no rules are provided, imaginative children will simply make up their own. Uninvolved parents produce children who can’t cope and act out by resorting to bad behavior, since cycles of neglect and abuse often cause hurt people to hurt people, leading to bullying and violence.
But utmost to the betterment of a child’s development is the health of the brain. Through scanning, doctors can determine how healthy or unhealthy a brain is, and whether it is active or inactive. A proper diet, plenty of sleep, exercise, continuous learning, and goalsetting can all improve brain function. Not only can a brain be hurt by improper nutrition and lack of overall well-being, but also by the misuse of drugs and alcohol. When a child is underachieving and has a condition like ADHD, anxiety, or depression; psychiatric, behavioral, or learning disorders may be contributing factors.
Throughout their childhood, children struggle with identity and are heavily influenced by their peers. But an upbringing of discipline can help them to learn right from wrong, develop their own ability to solve problems and endure the inevitable vicissitudes of life. Like compounded interest in finance, early intervention and steady discipline will help to produce independent, self-reliant, and emotionally stable children. The more parents get right early on, the better chance children will have to grow into prepared adults.
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