Letting Go: The Copium of the People

“The truth is, people will have negative opinions about you and there's absolutely nothing you can do to change this fact. It's time to give people the freedom to think what they want. Let them judge. Let them disapprove. Let them talk about me behind my back.” – The Let Them Theory

Self-help books are a 12 billion a year business, with a staggering 85 percent of the population purchasing at least one self-help book during their lives.  Unsurprisingly, 70 percent of people who buy self-help books are women, who are also those most likely to have sought therapy.  The latest entry to the field is yet another book designed to help the masses cope with the vicissitudes of life, this time, learning to let go.    

The book promises to end those triggering events that can cause anxiety and anger, leading to the desire to control situations and fix others, because caring too much about what other people think and do can lead to conflict and restlessness.  Instead of reacting negatively, the author instructs: Just walk away.  Like Pepe the Frog, hook yourself up to a can of copium, and let others be who they are. 

In Mel Robbins' 2024 book, “The Let Them Theory”, Robbins describes her simple new plan for letting go.  Known for her popular “5 Second Rule,” which advocates for action within 5 seconds of an instinct to react, Robbins has moved on to providing a coping mechanism for ignoring incitement events and reclaiming control over one's own life.  Known as “Let Them and Let Me”, Robbins provides a reset button to protect your peace of mind while focusing on your own wants and needs. 

Robbins begins with the common understanding that you cannot change another person; you can only change yourself.  It may be human nature to want to control others, especially if you believe their behavior is harmful, but the truth is, you can only control your own actions.  Understanding this simple rule alone promises to be transformative by allowing you to focus on the one person that matters: you.   

Like the detachment theory that instructs you to emotionally distance yourself from agitating situations, the let them theory also removes the negative emotional reactions provoked by said triggers.  The first step to letting them then, is letting go.  People are going to do what they are going to do.  Let them.  Let them judge you and have negative opinions of you.  Let them make their own decisions.  If it's something you can't live with, then move on. 

To respect others' autonomy is to give them the responsibility for themselves.   Since change must come from within, some people are simply not ready for change.  So instead of trying to rescue them, you must give them the space and time to heal on their own.  Stop pressuring them, accept them as they are, and inspire them anyway you can.  Let them have their own opinions and avoid confrontations.  Most of all, let them run their own race, so that you can run yours. 

Once you’ve learned to let others be themselves, it is time for you to focus on yourself.  Begin by refusing to internalize others' thoughts and actions.  Instead, accept yourself as you are or work to change the things that need attention.  Forget about what other people think or do?  Control your own thoughts and use your time for self-reflection and personal growth.  You are the only one responsible for yourself.   

Just as religion is an opium for the masses, so “letting them” is a copium for the people.  Lao Tzu once said, “Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner”.   Replace copium with hopium and stay positive.